Greek English

:: Σαν Σήμερα
1909:
Η Ελλάδα, επί κυβερνήσεως Κυριακούλη Μαυρομιχάλη, αγοράζει το θωρηκτό «Αβέρωφ», αντί 24 εκατομμυρίων δραχμών, από τα οποία τα 8 εκατομμύρια προέρχονται από κληροδότημα του Γεώργιου Αβέρωφ.

1922:
Πεθαίνει ο πεζογράφος Ανδρέας Καρκαβίτσας.










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Salonika
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ΔημοσίευσηΔημοσιεύθηκε: 18/02/2005 19:42
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THE PROOF THAT JESUS WAS GREEK

THREE ARGUMENTS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH:
He never got married.
He never held a steady job.
His last request was a drink.


THREE ARGUMENTS THAT JESUS WAS PUERTO RICAN:
His first name was Jesus.
He was always in trouble with the law.
His mother didn't know who his father was.


THREE ARGUMENTS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN:
He talked with his hands.
He had wine with every meal.
He worked in the building trades.


THREE ARGUMENTS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK:
He called everybody brother.
He had no permanent address.
Nobody would hire him.


THREE ARGUMENTS THAT JESUS WAS A CALIFORNIAN:

He never cut his hair.
He walked around barefoot.
He invented a new religion.


AND FINALLY, THE PROOF THAT JESUS WAS GREEK:
He went into his father's business.
He lived at home until the age of 33.
He was sure his mother was a virgin.
His mother was sure he was God.

_________________
-





Έστησε ο έρωτας χορό με τον ξανθό Απρίλη.


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ΔημοσίευσηΔημοσιεύθηκε: 10/03/2005 15:46
    Θέμα δημοσίευσης: ΤΟ ΓΕΛΙΟ ΕΙΝΑΙ ΥΓΕΙΑ 2
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Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a drink and a
>smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut
>off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
>
> Lady 1: What's that?
>
> Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
>
> Lady 1: Where did you get it?
>
> Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
>
> The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and
>announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
>
> The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she
>is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand
>she prefers.
>
> "Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel."
>
> The pharmacist fainted.
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ΔημοσίευσηΔημοσιεύθηκε: 10/03/2005 16:39
    Θέμα δημοσίευσης: ΧΕΧΕ
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""Three women and three men are traveling by train.
> >
> >At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three > >women buy just one ticket.
> >
> >"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks > >one of the men.
> >
> >"Watch and learn," answers one of the women.
> >
> >They all board the train. The three men take their respective seats > >but all three women cram into a toilet together and close the door.
> >
> >Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around > >collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, > >please."
> >
> >The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket > >in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
> >
> >The men see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea; so, > >after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip > >and save some money. When they get to the station they buy a > >single ticket for the return trip but see, to their astonishment, that the > >three women don't buy any ticket at all!!
> >
> >"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed > >man.
> >
> >"Watch and learn," answer the women.
> >
> >When they board the train, the three men cram themselves into a > >toilet, and the three women cram into another toilet just down the > >way. Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the women leaves > >her toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the men > > > >are hiding. The woman knocks on their door and says, "Ticket, please."
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ΔημοσίευσηΔημοσιεύθηκε: 21/03/2005 21:49
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A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84 year-old father. While there he notices the nurse is giving his father hot chocolate and Viagra.

The man asks, "Why are you doing that? I mean, at his age what will it do for him?"

The nurse explains, "The hot chocolate will help him sleep."

The man says, "And the Viagra?"

"Keeps him from falling out of bed."

_________________
When your life is flashing before your eyes, you better have plenty to watch.
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ΔημοσίευσηΔημοσιεύθηκε: 21/03/2005 21:59
    Θέμα δημοσίευσης: What is Politics?
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What is Politics?

Little Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad answers, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny- well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now."
"Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are." his father replies.

The little boy answers, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit!"
Ain't that the truth !!!
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ΔημοσίευσηΔημοσιεύθηκε: 23/03/2005 18:55
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At the immigration desk somewhere in Europe...

-Name?

-Abu Dalah Sarafi.

-Sex?

-Four times a week.

-No, no, no. . .male or female?

-Male, Female. . . Sometimes camel. . .

_________________
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ΔημοσίευσηΔημοσιεύθηκε: 23/03/2005 18:57
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his beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take off her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"

_________________
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ΔημοσίευσηΔημοσιεύθηκε: 29/03/2005 21:47
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Once there was a prostitute who had three different rates based on the following three conditions:
1) $100.00 to do it on the grass.
2) $200.00 to do it on a couch.
3) $300.00 to do it in the bed.

One day, a British walks in and slaps a $100 note on the table. So they go out and did it on the grass.

Soon, an American walks in and slaps a $200 note on the table.
So they go for the couch and do it on there.

At the end of the day, a Greek walks in and slaps $300 on the table....

Happy from seeing the money the prostitute says, "Wow,... you've got some class".

The Greek responds,
"Class my ass morie poutana... Three times on the grass."
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ΔημοσίευσηΔημοσιεύθηκε: 10/04/2005 06:31
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Top 9 comments made by NBC at the Olympics

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during
the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw
her snatch this morning during her =warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak
from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother
and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths
in boxing, but none of them really that serious.

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we
can expect the same thing again."

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't
like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony:"Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the
IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've
got eleven Dicks on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is
that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses
them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"

_________________
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ΔημοσίευσηΔημοσιεύθηκε: 11/04/2005 02:44
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THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 20, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered,
half-wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30, a woman is like America. Well developed and
open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, she is like India. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a
warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, she is like Yugoslavia. Lost the war, haunted by past
mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, Very wide and borders are
un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia. A glorious and all
conquering past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become like Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is,
but no one wants to go there.[/b]

_________________
Αν μείνουνε τα πράγματα όπως είναι
είσαστε χαμένοι.

Φίλος σας είναι η αλλαγή,
η αντίφαση είναι ο σύμμαχος σας.

Απο το Τίποτα πρέπει κάτι να κάνετε,
μα οι δυνατοί πρέπει να γίνουνε τίποτα.

Αυτό που έχετε, απαρνηθείτε το και πάρτε αυτό που σας αρνιούνται.

Μπερτολτ Μπρεχτ
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ΔημοσίευσηΔημοσιεύθηκε: 24/04/2005 18:06
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benefits of sex

Did you know that you can tell from the skin whether a person is
sexually active or not?
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when
women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering
dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the
pores and makes your skin glow.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that
romantic dinner.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It
stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins
into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with
a feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The
sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called
pheromones.
These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES
MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing
encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can
release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a
natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
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ΔημοσίευσηΔημοσιεύθηκε: 26/04/2005 14:45
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Men strike back! ! !
>>>
>>> How many men does it take to open a beer?
>>> None. It should be opened when she brings it.
>>>
-------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
>>> Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
>>> probably never be able to support you.
>>>
--------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> Why do women have smaller feet than men?
>>> It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
>>> them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
>>>
-------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
>>> When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."
>>>
-------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> How do you fix a woman's watch?
>>> You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
>>>
-------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> Why do men fart more than women?
>>> Because women can't shut up long enough to
>>> build up the required pressure.
>>>
-------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at
>>>the front
>>> door, who do you let in first?
>>> The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
>>>
-------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
>>> A woman who won't do what she's told.
>>>
-------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> I married a Miss Right.
>>> I just didn't know her first name was Always.
>>>
-------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
>>> a woman's sex drive by 90%.
>>> It's called a Wedding Cake.
>>>
-------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> Why do men die before their wives?
>>> They want to.
>>>
-------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> Women will never be equal to men until they can
>>> walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
>>> gut, and still think they are sexy.
>>>
-------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
>>> Then God created Man and rested.
>>> Then God created Woman.
>>> Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
>>>
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ΔημοσίευσηΔημοσιεύθηκε: 20/05/2005 17:23
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A cop was patrolling at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window "Uh, yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?"
"Well, isn't it obvious? I'm reading a magazine, sir "
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: "And her, what is she doing?"
The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."
Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a lovers' lane. And nothing obscene is happening! "What's your age, young man?"
"I'm 25, sir."
"And her ... what's her age?"
The young man looks at his watch and replies:
"She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."

_________________

http://elzirico.blogspot.com/
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ΔημοσίευσηΔημοσιεύθηκε: 07/06/2005 22:47
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Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane."
And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."
Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."
Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

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ΔημοσίευσηΔημοσιεύθηκε: 13/06/2005 13:00
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Θρησκειες, φιλοσοφιες....και Κακα.


Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius says: "Shit happens."
Buddhism: "If shit happens, it is not really shit.
Zen Budhism: Shit is, and is not.
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam 2: If shit happens, take another hostage.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to me?
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism: God made all shit.
Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call doctor, pray!
Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
Darwinism: This shit was once food.
Capitalism: This is MY shit.
Communism: It is everybody's shit.
Feminism: Men are shit.
Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening.
Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", Section 2, Chapter 4. p.157.
Jehovah witnesses: (knock) (knock) May I have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama ding ding
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Atheism: What shit?
Atheism 2: I can't believe this shit!
Nihilism: No shit.
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