Jokes

Δημοσιεύθηκε: 15/06/2005 17:50 Θέμα δημοσίευσης:

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."
One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of United States.

Δημοσιεύθηκε: 16/06/2005 08:32 Θέμα δημοσίευσης:

An elephant asks a camel : " why are your breasts on your back ?"
" Well " says the camel , " I think it is a strange question from somebody who's dick is in his face"

Δημοσιεύθηκε: 30/09/2005 10:54 Θέμα δημοσίευσης:

Bob met Sharon in a nightclub.
They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of he evening Sharon invited Bob to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together.
Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and
snuggled up close to each other.

After a short while, Sharon began tenderly striking Bob's manhood. Surprised but appreciative, Bob comments, "Surely you can 't be ready for more already?

Sharon replies,
"No, but every now and then I get a bit
nostalgic, and I miss the days when I had mine "!!!!!!!!!

The Miracle of Toilet Paper

Fresh from the shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to my
husband that my breasts were too small. Instead of characteristically
telling me it's not so, he came up with a suggestion. This he saw on
T.V. he said.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then everyday take a piece of toilet
paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, I fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood in
front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

"How long will this take?", I asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years", my husband replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
my breasts every day will make my breasts bigger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked on your ass, didn't it?"

He is still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk
again. Stupid, stupid man.

Mr Honda, of the Honda Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven

for judgement at the gates.

St. Peter told Mr Honda, "since you've been such a good man and your

motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out

with anyone you want in Heaven."

Mr Honda thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to

hang out with God. I have a question for Him. St. Peter took Mr Honda

to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. He then asked God,

"Aren't you the inventor of women?", God Said, "Ah, yes.Indeed I am".

"Well," said Mr Honda, "Professional to professional, you have some

major design flaws in your design;

1- There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.

2- It chatters constantly at high speeds.

3- Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.

4- The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.

5- Plus the monthly down time and aggravation are outrageous,

6- and I don't even wanna start talking about the maintenance costs".

Hmmmm, you do raise some good points "replied God, "Let's have a

wee look." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few

things and waited for the results. After a moment God said, "Well, it

may be true that my invention seems to be flawed, but according to

these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Your wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and
dancing......

Your okay with it, because you get to watch football.

You hear her stumble into bed around 3am.

You wake up next morning and go outside to check the family car,
which she used last night. Knowing she was drunk, you are happy to see
it
all in one piece.

But ...., Wait a minute...........

Cardiologist's Funeral

A Cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.
A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the
casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket
rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor
in the beautiful heart, forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.
When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was
just thinking of my own funeral......... I'm a Gynecologist."

The proctologist fainted.